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あの丘で
紙で作った
飛行機は
桜に落ちた
探している子

Ano oka de
Kami de tsukutta
Hikouki wa
Sakura ni ochita
Sagashiteiru ko

On that hill
A paper-made
Air-plane
Fell in the cherry blossoms
A searching child
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-08-20
~ZetsubouDahlia captures a lovely image in his tanka, Ano oka de ( Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconmikuxsonikkufangirl:
MikuXSonikkuFangirl Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Kawwaii desu!
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:iconcolorful--melody:
Colorful--Melody Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
very cute <3
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:iconfruitbatslyra:
fruitbatslyra Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Kono-wa totemo kirei desu-yo~
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:iconer49563:
er49563 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student General Artist
reminds me of that one pikmin song.  lovely 
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:iconfujoshifan43:
fujoshifan43 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
Lovely

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:iconmosspetal:
Mosspetal Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Pretty! :) It makes me think of that new Ghibli film coming out. The Wind Rises I believe it's called? Very nice poem!
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
Haha, I'm not really up to date with movies lately, but I'm glad :) Thanks :D
Reply
:iconmosspetal:
Mosspetal Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome!! ^^
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:iconkevinpsb4:
KevinPSB4 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Nice.
Reply
:iconhalfearth:
HalfEarth Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Isn't this format a predecessor of haiku?
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:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
As far as I know, it is older than haiku, but I don't know about the predecessor part :P
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:iconmaki-cha:
maki-cha Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student General Artist
Haiku :iconteaplz:
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:iconakarimarco:
AkariMarco Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013   Digital Artist
So tender ♥
Reply
:iconmrs-saxobeat:
Mrs-SaxoBeat Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So sweet and simple -- one can' underestimate the power of simplicity! <3
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful; such a sense of adventure and innocence. 

If I may ask, is there a reason for the hyphen in 'air-plane'? I personally don't think the word needs a hyphen (and I also slightly dislike it there, due to the fact that you have the hyphenated 'paper-made' in the previous line). These are just my thoughts though, of course!

Overall, this is a lovely tanka. Congratulations on the DD! :aww:
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
Actually I wondered about it when I was translating it into English, and it's the same thing as words like "theatre" and "theatre". It's a difference between British English and American English. In British English it's written with a hyphen :) I'm not British or American either way, but I just had to choose one way, right? :D

Thank you :)
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, interesting! I personally always say 'aeroplane', but 'air-plane' sounds better in this poem, I think – it sounds more delicate. :nod:

You're very welcome. :D
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013
Oh, I just noticed I wrote "theatre" twice... I meant to write "theatre" and "theater". Well, whatever :D
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, it's OK, I knew what you meant! :D
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Lovely~
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student General Artist
I love it! It's quite brilliant... a paper-thin slice of life, folded into a flying tanka.
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:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
Thanks! Well after reading your comment, I thought to myself - isn't origami all about giving life to paper? And here I wasn't even thinking about origami itself while writing this tanka. So, I have to thank you for inspiring me to think about it :)
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh, totally! You're welcome. :huggle:
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:iconxx--msbrightside--xx:
Xx--MsBrightside--xX Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student General Artist
Nice work~!
Reply
:iconmimistars:
MimiStars Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student General Artist
This is so beautiful! I already "hear" the melody in it, it could be a beautiful song >w< congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconhagaluz:
Hagaluz Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013

This poem~ <3

 

I could totally imagine myself in the last verse! Well written! : D

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:iconpinballwitch:
pinballwitch Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
:D Congrats on DD! おめでとうございます!

Lovely imagery. Also the sound -- lots of か/こ/く & the two instances of さ somehow make it sound really nice, plus the many words ending with an あ-step sound.

almost able to read it in 普通な日本語...so close to getting all the kanji, but not quite! but at least understood it in romanji
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:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
Thank you! To be honest, I myself had to check the last kanji in "hikouki" since I forgot it :D Good luck learning Japanese :)
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:iconanayo-s:
Anayo-s Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
簡単で、絶対美しい。
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
ありがとう、嬉しいです!
Reply
:iconanjamillen:
AnjaMillen Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
wonderful and so well deserved
Reply
:iconschneefuechsin:
Schneefuechsin Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconcongratsddplz:
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
    Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely, enjoy your DD feature; while many enjoy your effort. :sun:
Reply
:iconchipchinka:
Chipchinka Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013   Writer
This is absolutely stunning.
I'm left speechless...and so I will simply sit here, enjoying the silence.
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013   Writer
:+fav: Congratulations on the DD. This is a stunning piece, with everything tied together in the last line. Thanks.
Reply
:iconcaptainjellyroll:
CaptainJellyroll Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student Digital Artist
this is truly a beautiful piece~ <3
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:iconpagodacomics:
PagodaComics Featured By Owner May 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Aww i really like the mood of this one! (And for once I could even read it in Japanese without dictionary which just makes it even better). I'm really glad you decided to share your poems (and that you found the Japanese-Culture group too). :D
Thank you!
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner May 7, 2013
I'm happy I'm able to share my poems in this group and overall in dA, so I think I should be the one to thank you :) And it feels good when you can read kanji, right? :D

Actually I wrote first 4 verses really quickly, just came to me like that, but I had no idea for the last one, so I left it unfinished until I got something. How glad I am I didn't force myself to think, because when I finished it, I was really satisfied :D
Reply
:iconpagodacomics:
PagodaComics Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Student General Artist
:)
Haha yeah it feels great! However sadly I'm doing really poor on that. I skipped about 3 years in learning japanese and practically lost everything. I alsot feel like I'm starting from zero. ='(

Aw I see. Yeah it was worth the waiting. ^^
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:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
Thank you :) Good luck (re-)learning Japanese :D
Reply
:iconpagodacomics:
PagodaComics Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Haha thanks. ^^
Reply
:iconmorningstar5923:
morningstar5923 Featured By Owner May 6, 2013  Hobbyist
how beautiful! I can just imagine it now.
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner May 7, 2013
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconkiku----honda:
kiku----honda Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Once again, you have captured my imagination! Great job!
Reply
:iconzetsuboudahlia:
ZetsubouDahlia Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
I'm glad you liked it :) Thanks!
Reply
:iconkiku----honda:
kiku----honda Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's no problem! ^^
Reply
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